The struggle

It only gets more painful watching G struggle with fitting into our world, particularly school. Homework is so hard for him. It's completely outside his learning environment, I don't know the teaching methods and some of it (the math especially) I don't even know. It's frustrating for me so you know it's 10 times worse for him. 

I can see the pain in his body language, I can hear it in the way he talks to me but most of all I can see it in his eyes. And it guts me. Every day. 

I've read blog posts by other autism moms about their kids' abilities or lack thereof (the "at least yours can talk" kind of talk). I have to say I'm humbled by so many of these women and their struggles with their kids. So much so I don't always feel I have room to lament. I mean, G is so high-functioning, "he doesn't seem autustic," according to some. 

But let me say, the struggle is real. Really hard, really painful, and yes, sometimes really rewarding. But it's real. And it hurts.